Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
