i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
