Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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