Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
