My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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