I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize