Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
