call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
