o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
