Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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