Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
