Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
