this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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