Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize