is wine microwaveable?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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