i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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