Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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