Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
