I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
