When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
