All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
