I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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