singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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