why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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