she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
