Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
