You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
