getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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