maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
