there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize