am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
