He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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