Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize