He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
