we're blogging at a bar
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
