I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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