chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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