Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
