You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
