I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
