To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
