Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
