shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
