i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
