i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
