So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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