We're like a lot better than the average bears
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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