I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
