If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
