im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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