Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
