Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
