I take back everything I said about communal showers
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
