The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
