apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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