? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He passed out mid-signature
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
