was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
