Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Found your dick twin last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
