That's intense
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
