hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She is in my trunk
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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