just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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