A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
