sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
