the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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