and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize