Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
