Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its not stalking. its research.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
