Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
