so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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