Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am mentally ready for anal.
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