how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
