I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
