I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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