College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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