Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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